I don't handle death well. I'm even worse when there has been more than one to contend with, even if I barely knew any of them that passed away. It's been a rough couple of weeks here, and I've reached my limit.
Our neighbor's father passed away last week. This was a sad occasion. We rather like our neighbors quite a bit. I made some desserts for the repass, and they were made with a lot of sympathy.
Sunday we attended a funeral for a family friend who, unfortunately, lost his sister. He is having a rough time of it, which is understandable. It wasn't easy looking into his eyes because all you could see was pain. Pain that you wish you could take away, and pain that you could feel. When I saw him yesterday, he still had that pain.
Yesterday I learned that a friend of mine passed away in her sleep. This one is, of course, the hardest one to handle. I am having a difficult time grasping a hold of it. I just do not understand. It will be awhile before I can grasp a hold of some kind of understanding.
There is a circle of us. It's a tight circle. I met all of them through church. The circle formed with our first "hello". We sit together every Sunday. In fact, we monopolized the back pews. You see, if you sit in the back, the pastor can't see what you're doing.
But we formed a tight circle. We celebrate each other's birthdays to the max. We make sure that each one of us feels special, needed and loved on their special day. We lunch together, call each other and lean on each other when times are tough. It was the same circle that helped my family get through Hurricane Sandy and its aftermath.
Bonnie was one of us. She helped form the circle and held it together. She was a nurse that worked a lot. She was always wondering when we were all getting together for another lunch, and it hurts to realize that she will no longer be there for those lunches. It isn't easy.
She completed the circle. She was the one with the dry sense of humor and the quiet demeanor. She was the one from the group that behaved herself during service while the rest of us created havoc around her. She had a loving heart and a gentle manner about her. She never complained. She just accepted and laughed things off.
I'm having a hard time. I've cried on and off for the past two days. I think of her and cry. I suppose crying is a form of selfishness on my part. I'm crying for her lack of physical presence when I should be happy she was a part of my world for the past three years. It's difficult. Very difficult.
The days ahead will be even more difficult. I am not looking forward to Sunday and seeing her seat empty. The seat will always be hers. I suppose there exists the possibility that she will still attend service to soak up the words of our pastor and to see us screw around; however, it will be quite awhile before we will feel comfortable enough to do that again.
I laid on my bed last night crying. I was trying to talk through my confusion and my grief with my husband. It dawned on me just how vital the circle of friends were to my life and to my well-being. I get so damn much from them. They aren't just friends. They are members of my family. They keep me balanced and sane. They help me renew my faith when, and if, it wavers. Their faith and trust in God are stepping stones that guide me toward deepening my relationship with God. They are also the naughtiest people I've met!
But the circle has a piece missing now.
It's hard.
It's so fucking hard.
May you rest in peace, Bonnie. I hope that you realize just how many lives you've touched and how loved you are. May you be running wild and free in Heaven with God and may you have peace.
There is a circle of us. It's a tight circle. I met all of them through church. The circle formed with our first "hello". We sit together every Sunday. In fact, we monopolized the back pews. You see, if you sit in the back, the pastor can't see what you're doing.
But we formed a tight circle. We celebrate each other's birthdays to the max. We make sure that each one of us feels special, needed and loved on their special day. We lunch together, call each other and lean on each other when times are tough. It was the same circle that helped my family get through Hurricane Sandy and its aftermath.
Bonnie was one of us. She helped form the circle and held it together. She was a nurse that worked a lot. She was always wondering when we were all getting together for another lunch, and it hurts to realize that she will no longer be there for those lunches. It isn't easy.
She completed the circle. She was the one with the dry sense of humor and the quiet demeanor. She was the one from the group that behaved herself during service while the rest of us created havoc around her. She had a loving heart and a gentle manner about her. She never complained. She just accepted and laughed things off.
I'm having a hard time. I've cried on and off for the past two days. I think of her and cry. I suppose crying is a form of selfishness on my part. I'm crying for her lack of physical presence when I should be happy she was a part of my world for the past three years. It's difficult. Very difficult.
The days ahead will be even more difficult. I am not looking forward to Sunday and seeing her seat empty. The seat will always be hers. I suppose there exists the possibility that she will still attend service to soak up the words of our pastor and to see us screw around; however, it will be quite awhile before we will feel comfortable enough to do that again.
I laid on my bed last night crying. I was trying to talk through my confusion and my grief with my husband. It dawned on me just how vital the circle of friends were to my life and to my well-being. I get so damn much from them. They aren't just friends. They are members of my family. They keep me balanced and sane. They help me renew my faith when, and if, it wavers. Their faith and trust in God are stepping stones that guide me toward deepening my relationship with God. They are also the naughtiest people I've met!
But the circle has a piece missing now.
It's hard.
It's so fucking hard.
May you rest in peace, Bonnie. I hope that you realize just how many lives you've touched and how loved you are. May you be running wild and free in Heaven with God and may you have peace.
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