Home Again

We returned from our vacation yesterday morning.  I can't say that I enjoyed crossing the threshold and coming back to reality.  I rather enjoyed being in another place without reminders.  It was heavenly. 

The children weren't impressed with the idea of having to come home.  They enjoyed hanging out on the dock and fishing whenever they wanted to.  I must admit that I enjoyed that too. 

There was a sadness that filled us as we took one last look at the home we stayed in.  It was, by all regards, a home from heaven.   It was a lakeside home with everything you'd want in a vacation home.  Everyone had their own space, although we spent most of it sticking together as a family unit.  This is the part that I liked best.  

Being away was what my family needed.  We needed to find some peace, and I believe that we were meant to be there.  We hadn't been on a vacation in ten years.  In fact, my husband and I never had an official honeymoon, and we most certainly, had never gone away as a family.  We never had time nor did we have the funds to finance a trip.  So this trip was extra special for us.

But like I had just stated -- I believe we were meant to be there.  It just felt right.  

We encountered people that were a hell of a lot friendlier than people here.  Everything moved at a slower pace, and at this point in both our lives, my husband and I enjoyed that.  We needed to move slower to stop and appreciate what we have.  We are truly two blessed people.  

The reason for being there just wasn't to show us that it isn't the same all over.  The reason was also to help further cement our relationship and form a tighter familial circle.  We needed to take a look at one another -- kids included -- and be thankful for one another.  I am thankful.

While we were on vacation, we realized that we belonged there.  We truly believe that.  We never felt comfortable living where we do now.  People are different here.  It is an area where the important things are money, wealth, being the "top dog" on society's ladder and it is about material things.  It isn't about simplistic living, believing in God and being true to yourself.  It is about false pretenses, fake personalities and kissing butt to get what you want.   Sure, there are people like that whenever you go, but it's saturated here.  There are so many people here that it's stifling.  It is also disheartening.  

It is also an area where property taxes are high, town laws are utterly ridiculous and rudeness resides.  Real estate values are so overblown here, and we have been at a point in our lives where we've needed to move on.  Our home is small and we need room to grow.  Our children need room to spread their wings and they sure can't do that in this house.  

But with the cost of homes in this area, it just isn't possible to find something bigger and stay here.  We just can't do it.

 So we are going to do it somewhere else.   We have decided to move.  We are going to do it in an area where we can get a home with oodles of space without paying oodles of money.  We can shave down the amount of our property taxes and find some peace.   My hubby could actually retire when he's supposed to.  He could never do that here. 

We need that.  We need peace of mind.  We just need peace.

We have nothing to hold us here anymore.  Our two oldest children do not need us anymore and our relationships with them are not what they used to be.  Our disappearance would not affect them at all, I'm sad to say -- that is a long story that I will not go into here.

So, now we have to do something wonderful for the younger children.  We have to do something for us.  We have spent years of our lives living for the older children.  We didn't do this because of their reaction.  We didn't do that.  We didn't speak about this or that.  Well, I've grown tired of that.  I've grown tired of having my life dictated by the reactions, emotions and feelings of someone else.   

We want to move.  We want to do it now.   We aren't going to let anyone stop us.  Whether they are related to us or not.  

It's about the family in this tiny house right now.  It isn't about anyone else.

It's about finding peace.

It's about walking away from a place and feeling that you'd have a future there.  

We have a future there.  A good one.

Here.. no... 

Now to find a house...