Just Breathe

It all has been zooming by at a rapid pace.  I've tried to apply the brakes to slow down, but all I ended up with was blistered heels.  Life has been so hectic lately.  The past two months have been insane.  It seemed that every time I turned around there was something that needed to be done.   In layman's terms, it sucked.  

Well, screw it all to hell and back!  This is what I say!  I'm going to stop and breathe for a long while.  My weekends will be as empty as I can make them.  We need that.  

Every year, we go apple picking in late September and pumpkin picking during October.  We just couldn't find the time to apple pick.  We ended up squeezing it in at the last minute.  This takes away a certain something from the experience.  For pumpkin picking, it is usually a hay ride, letting goats slobber on your hand while feeding them and going through a very cheesy haunted house that, admittedly, makes my heart skip a beat.  I just don't do haunted houses well -- doesn't matter if they are good or terrible.  It still scares me.  I'm a wuss.  But this year, we ended up going to a road side farm stand to pick pumpkins.  There just was no time to do our usual routine.  

This is when I said enough is enough!  

We were scheduled to go camping this past weekend, but couldn't do that either.  Sunday the church had their annual conference, so I had to be there.   I should've gone camping.  I'd much rather have done that.  

Church has been so damn stressful lately.   I have been aching to just say "fuck it" for a couple of weeks and sleep in on Sunday mornings, but I can't.  This coming Sunday, I'm teaching Sunday school and something is going on the following Sunday, but off the top of my head, I can't of what.

Our church is trying to build a larger church, but at the current rate, it isn't going to happen.  Ever.   I feel like I am in a constant battle trying to fight for the church as a whole entity.  Right now, our church is divided into little cliques.  If we cannot pull together and become one unit, there is no way that a new building can be built and, most of all, there is no way that it would succeed.  

I am a member of a committee that helps choose people to fill certain positions.  At a meeting, there was one person put into 8 different positions.  I was like.. whoaaaa.. I just don't think so!  

We have so many other members that would be useful to the church.  The church has to get out of this tunnel vision it's in right now.  We need to all open our eyes and see all of us -- not one or two.  It doesn't work that way.

We have two women that have to hold banners over their heads whenever they do anything.   I am guessing they hold a banner over their heads when they take a shit.  Seriously.   It is creating a very unstable and hostile environment.  People are growing angry, disgusted and fed up.   I don't blame them either.  I, too, am growing irritated.  

If I have learned anything about God, it's that you do things because they are right and just.  You do things with your own hands and feet because it is what Jesus would do.  You do these things without looking for a reward or a pat on the back.  To stand before God and wave a banner about what you've done is inherently wrong.  It goes against all that I have learned and believe in.  

So I fight.  I fight because allowing people to constantly wave banners above their heads is wrong.  Doing things quietly and knowing that God is pleased with what you do is right.  It is just.  

I truly love my church.  My husband says that I probably love it too much, but is there truly such a thing as too much?  I want it to succeed.  I want there to be a feeling of completeness when someone walks through the door.  I want people to feel as though our little church is their second home, as I feel.  It's important.

It's even more important to have a sense of family, and knowing that the people you worship with are there for you.  It is important for every member to feel as important and vital as the next.  It is important for members to leave the church with a heart full of peace.  This is what is important.  This is what we need to accomplish as a church to be able to succeed.  

I will not deny that the work we do as members is important and integral to our survival, but it isn't the sole piece of the puzzle that will hold us afloat.  Families fight for each other.  Families support one another.   This is what will hold us up.  This and our faith.  Our faith will never fail us.  

 

 There has been talk of starting a cub scout pack out of our church.   A close friend of mine from church was talking to me about it on Saturday night.  I broached the subject with our church council chairperson, and it would be allowed.  But I am struggling with it.   I want to but then again, I don't.  I am unsure at the moment.

Lately, I must admit that I have been missing the whole scout thing.  I did it for so long, and I enjoyed it more than I hated it.  I have to confess that.  I am not sure, however, what I exactly miss about it.  I don't know if it was the fact that I was so busy that I didn't have time to think about life.  Hell, sometimes I felt I couldn't breathe.   

I know that I miss the interaction I had with parents and leaders and committee members.  I used to look forward to talking with them at meetings and whatnot.   I only see two of them now.  

I am thinking that it is the interaction I miss.  I can't say that I miss paperwork, phone calls, emails and hair pulling.   So I am not sure if this is something I want to do again.  I have to take some time to think about it some more.  

Whew.. I didn't realize that I had written so much!  Ahh.. and there is so much more that I could have written.  

Perhaps later...