The Journey Alone

..I know that I am going to die in my chair alone.. 

These were the words uttered to me the other day.  These weren't words given by the first hand.  These were uttered with a heavy sadness by the second hand.  It, quite literally, broke my heart.   I stood there, with my face buried in my hands, quietly sobbing.  It was painful to hear. 

I did not know this person, yet I felt pain over her prediction.   I could not imagine knowing that I would end this part of existence and embark on the next leg of my journey without being surrounded by familiar voices and familiar faces.  As I re-read that last statement, I realize just how selfish that sounds.  But isn't selfishness forgiven at a time of one's demise?

She was a member of our congregation.  She lived for over 90 years.  God bless her.  I did not know her.  I have never seen her nor have I greeted her with a "hello".  She was gone from the congregation before I arrived.  I wish I would have met her.   In some ways, I will before she begins the next leg of her journey.  Before she meets Him.

I will be attending her graveside memorial tomorrow morning before jetting off with my Scouts to plant trees.  I had asked permission from my pastor to go.  I want to be there although I have never seen the life behind her eyes or placed my hand upon her shoulder.  Some things just need to happen ..  at least for me.

She was a member of our congregation.  She, in her own way, helped our church sustain and survive.  She is a part of the reason why I attend that little ole country church, for if it weren't for her, the church may not still be standing.  It may not have the little bit of life that it does have.  Her contribution to its future may have been tiny or it may have been large.  Regardless of the amount, she was there.   She was a member of the "church family".

"Church family" is a very important phrase that I wish could be further implemented within our church walls.  I wish we could band together and be a force to be reckoned with.  I wish we were all closer than what we are.   Oh don't mistake me!  Some of us are a tight bunch, but I wish we could all forget about status, money and personality clashes and just come together.  We are all there for the same reason.  Aren't we? 

But I digress...

Because of her contribution and attendance, she automatically gains my respect.  She deserves to be shown respect, particularly as she waves goodbye to the world as we know it and is embraced by God.  She deserves that, doesn't she? 

I was told that there would probably be only six people in attendance.  Six people??  Someone who has lived for such a long time should be sent off to this miraculous place by more people.   Surely there are people that have loved her.  Surely there are people whose lives have been touched by her and wish to send her off with their thanks and gratitude.

So, I will stand there.   I will pray for her.  I will send her off with a sadness in my heart and, most likely, tears in my eyes.  No one deserves to go alone.. 

I wouldn't want to pass from this Earth without being surrounded by the ones that I have loved during my lifetime.  I don't want to go alone.  I don't want to know that I am going to go alone.  It would shatter my spirit into a million and one pieces. 

My attendance at her memorial isn't merely to show her the respect that she deserves.  My attendance has to do with me, as well.  My action is not purely unselfish.  I admit it.  It is also because it's not the way that I would want to pass from this world and, hopefully, pass onto the next. 


..I know that I am going to die in my chair alone.. 




I don't want to know this, and my heart breaks at anyone knowing this. 

May Florence rest in peace....