...... skating between the two as I navigate life's twisting, winding road...

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Schnickity Shy


Warning:  The information that I am about to share may shock you.  Please make sure that you are in an upright seated position.  If you start feeling woozy, place your head between your knees and breathe slowly. 
  
Thank you.

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I'm a very shy person.  I know, I know.  It's quite hard to believe, isn't it?   It's true.  I was shy when I first entered this world right out of the womb.  Granted, I am not as bad as I once was, but it's still there.  It comes out from time to time to waves its little hand at the world.  Not exactly shy behavior for shy, is it ?

It's fickle.  Its rather confused.  It kicks into gear at times when it shouldn't.  If I care about someone deeply, I have a tendency of being shy while speaking with them.  I do not quite understand that either.  Perhaps I fear saying something that I shouldn't.  Perhaps I just would rather listen to them speak.   Perhaps I am in awe of who they are.

On the occasion that I am tending to a lunch or dinner for a crowd, I am a ball of fire.  My shyness decides to take a hiatus.  I believe it packs its bags and takes off for the Bahamas or something.  I wish to God it would take me there sometime!  

Selfish bastard.

When I am at a lunch or dinner, I talk to everyone and anyone.  In fact, I think that sometimes I talk too much and laugh too loud.  No, I know that I do, but I do enjoy it. 

I give the wrong impression at times.  A friend once said to me, "I wasn't sure if it was okay to talk to you at first.  You seemed like such a bitch."

Harsh words, I suppose, but I do understand them.  If I were to step away from myself, I would probably think the same.  I have a preference for quiet most of the time, unless the situation demands noise, mingling and life.

Its the shyness.  I crawls out of my belly and waggles its tongue at me.  It pisses me off.

It leaves me with feelings of regret.  I wish that I would have said this or said that.  I wish that I would have reached out and touched.  I wish that I would have done all the things that my mind conjures up.  

Maybe one of these days my shyness will take a trip back down to the Bahamas and not come back.  Maybe the plane will crash and burn with my shyness the only occupant.  

There is so much I'd like to say, but this shyness prevents me from speaking those words.  
 
Words stuck in my throat.
 
Thank you, shyness.  
 
You're a peach.





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