This is what this blog entry is all about. The unknown.. meaning I am not sure why I logged into here.
I ran away from home on Sunday. I grabbed my keys, my purse and slammed the front door behind me. In fact, I slammed the door so hard that I splintered the molding around the stained glass windows of the front door. I was angry.
There are a lot of times when I feel taken for granted.
"Oh, it's okay, she will always be here to do this or that or this or that."
"It's okay that she's not taken care of when she's sick. She can handle it on her own."
"It's okay that she's hurting. She's strong. She can take it."
"My feelings will always be more important than hers, so it's okay that I whine about what's in my head and blatantly ignore what is in hers."
These are the messages I get. I don't know whether or not these are true, but these are presented to me in their own way, shape or form. I hate it.
I reached the end of the line and ran away. I left behind my cell phone and my partings words were, "I am never coming back."
At the time, I meant it. I meant it with every ounce of my being. I tore out of my driveway like a bat out of hell. Yes, I eventually came home, but I never lost my disappointment in others.
I came home to find that they were gathered around the television laughing at something stupid. It was taken for granted that I would return, obviously.
They all were so upset that they made and ate their lunch. They flipped through the channels to get a cartoon on, and ceased to even remember that I had left the house with the intention of never returning.
I don't feel important. I don't feel that I really matter much anymore. Sure, I matter when the clothes are dirty, the house is a pigsty and when someone needs me to buy something, pay a bill, etc.
Not Mom or Wife.
This individual does not exist around here.
I'm not the girl I used to be. I've grown, matured and aged quite beautifully, I must say.
I may need stronger glasses, but I digress...
I was mad.
I was mad at the kids for ignoring my demands to stop fighting. I was mad at him for not opening his eyes and remembering why he begged me to marry him. Yes, he really did beg.
Now.. I'm not so sure where I stand.
I know I'm standing on my own two feet, but then again, I've been doing that for awhile.
Be responsible for your own happiness.
I heard that somewhere before. It may be time to follow it.