Warning: This blog may contain moments of vulnerability. If this frightens you, please feel free to vacate the premises. You will, however, still be charged the usual $5.00 entrance fee.
I am finding that as I age, I have a strong preference for being alone. I can honestly say that I allow very few people into my "space" anymore. I could probably count on one hand how many people are in my circle of trust. It is done purposely.
With intent.
The cabin depicted above is an ideal place for me. I could awaken when I wanted, sleep when I needed to and dream of things I wish I possessed. Noise would not live here with me, aside from the stray animal cracking a branch as it walked, a bird singing carelessly in a tree and, perhaps, a beaver gnawing on a tree. If I were truly lucky, there would be a lake situated in front of the cabin so that I could casually run my bare toes over the water. I could lose myself in the ripples on the surface that my toes would make.
I suppose that I am stuck in a fantasy. A dream land, which at this present time, I cannot escape from.
There is a reason why I'm longing for those moments of solitude. I desperately need time to cleanse my mind and rid myself of the emotions that live within my soul. I need to separate myself from those who feign care, love and compassion. I have no tolerance of falseness.
I'm not a "people person". I have never worn that label on any level. I'm shy most times, and have an awkwardness that lives within me. I broach people with a hesitation while wondering if their extension of friendship is true. Most times, I am finding, it is not.
I long for honesty. I long for truthful feelings and for sincerity. I would rather be alone than to surround myself with people that lack a genuineness.
The cabin looks damn good right about now.
It looks good always.
I have a lot of alone time, but much of it is at work, between deliveries. The highway routes offer a lot more time from stop to stop. Most of my at home time is spent alone, so I look forward to my outings a couple of times a week.
ReplyDeleteAs I have gotten old(er) it seems that nearly everyone has an agenda and altruism is often a marker of egoism. All we can do is offer (or accept) help when it is truly needed, and cherish the real friends in our lives.
Would this cabin have a good high speed internet connection? :-)
That cabin looks like something my wife would like. Fire place, a big stack of books and food would be all she needs.
ReplyDeleteAh well... I think as we get a bit older our tolerance drops for things that don't fit well into our lives... maybe that is what you're feeling... or me projecting.
ReplyDeleteAs a total techno-geek though, I'd not be able to stay away for long, but I do find myself sitting on the porch now, no technology, just sitting, staring off into the neighborhood... maybe I'm learning something from you Mel...
-Monty