Crossroads of Pi

Life has me standing at the beginnings of these three roads, unsure of which avenue to take and afraid of each one of them.  In a matter of mere minutes (it seems), my life has been tossed up into the air and has fallen back to earth to scatter around my feet.  I watched it happen.  I watched the pieces which had made up my life slowly dance their way toward the ground.  It was as if it all happened in slow motion.  As if it had been a dream..

A dream it wasn't.  A dream it isn't.  A dream it shall never be.

I was situated quite securely in my roles in life.  I performed my duties with the determination of a solider intent on winning the war.   I plodded through my responsiblities with frustration, irritation, aggravation and joy.   The joy came at the tail end of the madness.  The joy made the craziness worth it all.

But now.. now  I no longer have most of those responsibilities.  The ones that I do have left I am finding that my passion for them has waned to a degree.  I must be fair.  It has waned a couple of degrees.  I am not sure where the passion went.  It left me like a lover on a cold winter's night.  I'm left shivering and wondering how to fill my soul with warmth and passion.

I am trying to find a way to make this standstill a blessing in disguise.  I'm trying to find a way to realize that I am being given a second chance.  I can start over again.  I can do things right.  I can do it.  I just need to find the drive.  

My soul craves time to myself.  After being strapped to my responsibilities for the past four years, I want to stretch out my wings, feel my muscles loosen up and I want to fly.  I want to fly above the clouds and look downward.  I want to see what exists here, because those four years were spent with my head hung down low.  I never lifted my head to take a good look around.  

I want to go to a carnival and run from rigged game to rigged game, never winning but laughing at my attempts.   I want to explore an old farm and jump into a hay pile, and I want to feel my nose crinkle up as the scent of the animals assaults me.  I want to ride in a convertible with the top down and scream out songs playing on the radio at the top of my lungs as the wind whips at my hair.    I want to grab the hand of a lover and run along the shoreline.   I want to write that book that I've always wanted to write.  I want to do so much before I take the steps toward the next chapter in this book called "Life". 

I suppose that we all wish for the chance to truly live life before putting on that backpack full of responsibility.  

So I'm standing at the crossroads.  

Before I take the deciding step, I want to tap dance a little at the beginning.    

Anyone care to put life on hold for just a mere minute to join me?  I always hated dancing alone.